it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize