you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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