ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
