Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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