They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
