Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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