I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
