shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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