this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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