Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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