I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
