Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
