awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
