Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
