Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
