I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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