3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
