Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
