rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
