his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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