It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
