When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
