I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
