Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
