I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
