He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize