pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
