whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
