I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
