I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
