so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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