hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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