Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your cock deserves a montage
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
