I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's shark week go big or go home
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
