is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
