Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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