I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she looked like the before picture.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
