I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
