Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
