mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
