I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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