life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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