I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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