she was so not down for the gang bang
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
