I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
