Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
