Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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