I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
