Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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