Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
