Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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