Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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