I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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