For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
