Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
