my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize