One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
