Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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