I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
