She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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