he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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