After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
