Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
