i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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