Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
