I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Vodka?
Forever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
