then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
