if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
