My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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