I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
