I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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