there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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