i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
