Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
