we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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