All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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