Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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