$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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