We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
