no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
