It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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