I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We just shotgunned beers for America
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
