Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
