She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
