u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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