Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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