it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
