I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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