Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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