Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
