Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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