I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
