Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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