Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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