By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
