I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
