We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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