stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
