I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
