I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
