I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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