Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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