can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
