The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
