I can tuck mytits in my pants
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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