You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
