he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
