wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize