Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
