I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
