im drinking this country out of the recession.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
