So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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