my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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