Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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