he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
