Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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